Of course, Marin’s best advice for anyone hurt by their partner is to seek therapy to process their complicated feelings.
“You’re going to be devastated when it happens, and that’s okay,” said Marin. “You have to allow yourself to have those feelings and those reactions because they make sense. But at some point, you also have to recognize that it’s much more about your partner than it is about you.”
As for whether you should stay with your partner, that FT, the decision to remain in the relationship can be based on factors such as:
- Each partner’s commitment to the relationship
- Cultural values and norms
- The impact on children (if they have children together)
If you and your partner decide to work through an instance of cheating, a therapist may work with you to rebuild the relationship.
What To Do if You’ve Cheated On Your Partner
“If monogamy, commitment, and trust are important values to you, and you’ve done something massive to go against all those values, that’s a critical thing to address,” said Marin. “Whether you tell your partner about the infidelity or not.”
Recognize Your Feelings and Actions
Some people, Marin said, aren’t actively looking to have an affair. Or they may not have ever considered they’d be open to the possibility.
But then, an opportunity presented itself-an out-of-town trip or someone new is attracted to them-and things happen without any pre-planning.
Marin cautioned that a lack of pre-planning doesn’t mean a lack of consequences. Cheating is a violation of trust and a betrayal of values.
Know That You Aren’t a Bad Person
Gloria said that cheating put her in a role she’d never expected to find herself in: The bad guy. That feeling is common. But Marin also warned against self-condemnation.
“Cheating is a very serious thing. It’s a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you’re having,” said Gloria. “At the same time, you also need to recognize that this doesn’t make you a categorically terrible person. You are a good person who has done a bad thing. That’s a huge difference.”
Learn From the Experience
You may have heard the old saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” But the phrase doesn’t hold up if someone unfaithful reflects on their actions, thinks about their impact on others, and works to change how they approach relationships in the future-whether the cheating led to a breakup.
And Gloria said those circumstances held for her experience. Gloria said she recently celebrated her second anniversary with her boyfriend, a man she lives with and hopes to marry.
“I learned to trust myself and be firmer with my decisions when it comes to relationships,” noted Gloria. “I let someone talk me out of breaking up, and then, I made as a person. That’s not something that’s going to happen again.”
A Quick Review
You may be curious whether I could live, laugh, and love again after losing my ex to a guy who had a boyfriend and wore ugly sweaters.
The short answer: Yes. The long answer: It took a lot of work to build the trust I needed to start dating again.
The man I thought I’d be with forever disappeared from my life as if he (and his DVD collection) had never been Moldovan mujeres para citas y matrimonio there. But the relationship I grew with myself in therapy helped me recognize that being cheated on can feel like the end of the world, but it rarely is.
Not every relationship is the same, but if your partner has cheated on you, know that it is likely more about them than you. Maybe they are feeling trapped or lost, or they’re looking for excitement in something new. Either way, that doesn’t excuse their actions, and they will need to do the work to figure out what led them to go against their morals.