This is the absolute most important rule. It is acceptable to touch on topics related to each other’s profiles, but absolutely and under no circumstances should you center the conversation around the fact that you met on OkCupid.
For example, instead of saying, “I read on your profile that what you do on a typical Friday night is run around naked,” maybe you can say, “So, you run around naked?”
Under no circumstances should you mention any of the following things: Your OkCupid match percentage with your date, the phrase “OkCupid profile,” the answers to your match questions or the word “OkCupid.”
Online dating is still somewhat stigmatized
Can you imagine the humiliation of being in a quiet bar with a few other people who look like they’re on dates as well and your date says, “So, how long have you been doing this OkCupid thing, anyway?”
Why all of this matters: While most of the world seems to be online dating these days, essentially, no one is talking about it IRL. Thus, no one wants someone screaming, “HELLO WE ARE ON AN OKCUPID DATE” while you’re on an OkCupid date.
That said, I really do believe that OkCupid is simply a vessel for which to meet awesome (and sometimes not-so-awesome) people who we probably would have never met in our in-person lives. At the chatib end of the day, OkCupid dates are an opportunity for two humans to go on a regular date together. So, even if you are totally comfortable with the fact that it is an OkCupid date, to me, keeping the conversation focused on OkCupid takes away the mystery of getting to know another person.
Because you really can’t get to know a person from his/her online dating profile and match percentage questions. I’m a firm believer in using OkCupid to create meaningful in-person connections, connections that usually have nothing to do with how funny or interesting I thought the person’s profile was or our match percentage. In fact, I’ve had better luck with people with lower match percentages.
Not talking about OkCupid on the date while also losing the stigma can help us get to that point, I think.
This has happened to me on two dates. The dude said, “So, this is going really well right?” to which I responded, “Yes?”
Did you really think I was going to say no, this date is awful? I think that no one, unless they don’t have a heart, would announce, “Um. No. This is one of the worst OkCupid dates I’ve ever been on. I really wanted to leave 10 minutes after I sat down, but I felt that was rude, especially because you have insisted on paying.”
Of course, that’s what I want to say, and though I’m pretty direct, I don’t have the heart to say such a thing.
To me, online dating can be amazing, because intentions are clear from the get-go. The problem with this is that I think it leads to people verbally analyzing the date while on the actual date. After all, the two date participants were matched a computer. There isn’t much mystery since the label “OkCupid” makes intentions so clear.
3. Do not ask the other person how many OkCupid dates he/she has been on.Question Man asked me how many OkC dates I had been on. As if I was going to say, “Oh yeah, you’re date number 15.”
The moral of my story is this: Let’s stop the online dating stigma and treat OkCupid dates as REAL dates
It’s kind of embarrassing in either direction. If you’re on your first OkCupid date and announce that, you may come across as a noob, and if it is your fifteenth OkCupid date, like it was for me, well, we all know why that is embarrassing.