- Lack of integration into each other’s lives. You’ve never met their parents. They’ve never met your friends. And neither of you can find each other’s houses without the aid of a smartphone. If your connection seems to exist in a vacuum, it could be a situationship.
- The relationship doesn’t grow or end. Simply put: You aren’t talking about the future or what either of you want long term. All you really know is that the relationship (whatever it is) is working well enough right now.
It all comes down to the people involved and the way they interact. Situationships can be fulfilling, frustrating or downright toxic. And like any other romantic attachments, Dr. Albers says communication and honesty are key.
Situationship red flags
Situationships can be deeply rewarding when they’re what you and your pseudo-partner really want. But the ambiguous nature of these pairings can also open the door for miscommunication, dishonesty and, in some cases, even abuse.
- One-sidedness. “A situationship can become toxic if you have different expectations for the relationship, or if the power dynamic between the participants is unequal” Dr. Albers cautions. Here’s a good question to ask yourself: If your situationship ended tomorrow, how would you feel? Do you think they’d feel the same way?
- Feeling undervalued. Do you feel like you’re being used for sex? Does it seem like they only call you when their other plans fall through, or they have “nothing better to do”? Are you starting to wonder if they even like you as a person? “If you feel like the other person doesn’t show you much care, it can be a sign your situationship is spiraling into abuse,” Dr. Albers says.
- Dishonesty. You’ve never been to their house. They got upset when you tagged them on your social media page. They insist on driving everywhere separately. If you feel like your situationship’s a secret – or like your special someone’s keeping a secret from you – that’s a bad sign.
- Fear of communication/vulnerability. It’s OK to keep things light in a situationship, but it needs to actually be a choice. “If your conversations remain on the surface level because you feel afraid or hesitant to tell them what you really want, that’s a red flag,” Dr. Albers states.
- Game-playing, testing or passive-aggressive behavior. It’s not unusual for unhealthy situationships to become exploitative or manipulative. “Breadcrumbing” is a classic example of a toxic situationship behavior. It involves doing just enough to string a person along and keep them interested, but never following through on anything. That person who sends you a romantic text and then doesn’t respond to your messages for a month? Yeah: They’re breadcrumbing you.
Realizing your situationship is heading in a toxic direction is a big deal. But how do you sever a connection that was never really defined to begin with?
How to end a situationship
“Basically, the end is unclear as the beginning,” Dr. Albers explains. “Often, people just stop communicating. In fact, that’s Puolan dating sivustoja Yhdysvalloissa a big red flag: Communication coming to a screeching halt.”
When a situationship ends – spookily or otherwise – the experience can be upsetting, especially if you feel a lack of closure. That’s why Dr. Albers recommends being direct.
And don’t hesitate to cut the cord if it’s lingering. It can help you avoid the random texts and late-night phone calls that keep you from moving on.
Ending a situationship often has added layers of complexity. “It can be different than mourning the end of a traditional relationship because the breakup conventions might not apply,” Dr. Albers further explains.